People who need people

Is it really true that people who need people are the luckiest people in the world? Or am I misquoting that song horribly? I am beginning to think that it is just the opposite. Interactions with people can bring great joy but can also bring lots of heartache. Maybe it is just the gray sky outside but at the moment all I can think of are the heartaches, disappointments and annoyances that have accompanied my interpersonal relations of late. In the case of family extended relationships - I have felt very isolated of late. I envy my girlfriends with close relationships with their sisters, brothers, cousins etc. Not that I have ever had super close relationships with my brothers but I communicate with them rarely and only in reference to dealing with my mom. Speaking of my mom. . . I am at my wits end to know how to deal with her right now. She has always had the some interesting quirks - suspiciousness, fatalistic negativity and a passive aggressive way of dealing with everyone. These quirks would pop up here and there but lately she is completely obsessed or possessed by them. I call her nearly every day and every conversation consists of her telling me about the various ways her neighbors are trying to drive her crazy - from allowing the leaves of thier trees to litter her yard to sending her an anonymous card expressing caring and friendship. The world is out to get her and her way of dealing with it is to say she should be dead. She has always expressed this desire to be dead as long as I can remember any time she was angry or upset by anything which was a lot of the time. It was terrifying for me as a child and just made me angry as I became a teenager. Mom and I have always had a close relationship but she is not the person she used to be. She complains that she has no one - no friends at all but she pushes away everyone who wants to help her or be her friend. She is quite inventive when it comes to the reasons she is angry at different people. Her irrationality is driving me crazy right now. The only time she seems her old normal self is when she is with my kids. Threatening to not let them be with her is the only thing that will bring her around when she goes off on one of her crazy obsessive kicks. She is threatening not to return to church because she has been offended by nearly everyone in her ward. I guess my greatest fear is that I will turn into her someday. I really don't think I will - I am enough different from her that I can't see that happening but I do find myself tending toward the passive aggressive way of dealing with people and isolating myself when I feel hurt or insecure.

Speaking of hurt - we had an uncomfortable experience this week. Lance is coaching Hannah's soccer team again this year and it is an all girls team in an all girls league. He got the rosters late last week and we noticed that a girl from our old ward was on the list. I wasn't thrilled because I am not a huge fan of this family but thought it wasn't that big a deal. Well Lance sent out email notices to the team to set up practices and introduce himself as the coach. Less than 24 hours later he received notice from the soccer league that the girl had moved off his team. Good riddance I guess but we thought it was pretty rude, with no explanation or anything. Upon reflection I wasn't too surprised that this happened - it was typical of my experience with this family which was the reason I don't like them that much to begin with. I guess I am just surprised when seemingly "good" LDS people behave in such a crude way. No one is perfect but there is no reason to not to be courteous and kind in you every day interactions with people.

So my goal for today is when life gives me gray rainy days I will raise my face to the rain and enjoy getting a fresh drink just like the flowers (and kids) do!