1st Day of School

The beginning of this new school year came with mixed feelings for me. I am excited to get back into some sort of routine and not have to try and find things for JJ to do so that he doesn't sit in front of the TV all day. I am excited for him to make new friends and to continue his education. I am excited for Hannah to try a new preschool, make new friends and find her own independance away from JJ. I am scared to death because I have to relinquish more and more control over JJ. I am afraid that he won't make good choices or that I won't be there to protect him from the millions of dangers big and small that exist when he is away from me. There are so many more influences on him now and I agonize of whether he will be able to see right from wrong. On Tuesday I walked him to school- much to the chagrin of some neighbor kids who were walking too. As I stood waiting for the school doors to open, a sea of kids swirled around me and I felt a little like I was walking back in time and seeing my self in some of the kids around me. I must say I felt a little sick. My elementary school years are not filled with very many good memories. I am trying to remind myself that JJ is VERY different from me and that he is prepared to handle so many aspects of school life better than I ever was. I am really happy with the teacher he got this year. She seems to have just the right personality for him. So now I take a deep breath and dive in to what I hope will be another happy, growth filled school year. I am hoping that I will be able to recognize the lessons I am being sent so I can grow as a parent.